LETTING GO

Though you won't find this medical term on the illustration at left, I've been blessed with a good "forgetter." I can watch a movie and then watch it again six months later and be just as surprised by the ending. Fabulous. My family could give me the same birthday card each year, and I'd never know it. Hmmm, maybe they've already been doing that. I'll have to start keeping birthday cards in a drawer and checking them. Nope, that won't work. I'll forget where I keep them. A good forgetter is also handy when it comes to relationships. I tend to forgive rather easily. I don't hold grudges for long and it seems my pain from betrayal fades more quickly than others. Why? I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with this good forgetter. (Did I mention that already?) There has been in recent days, however, a painful relationship that became too big for my forgetter to forget. A root of bitterness grew without my awareness or permission and soon bloomed into an ugly weed that affected my other relationships. The Lord took me through a process of tearing down the weeds and living with truths my forgetter must now remember. Jacob endured a similar process of letting go…

Gen 31:38-42 – “[Jacob said to Laban,] 'I have been with you for twenty years now. Your sheep and goats have not miscarried, nor have I eaten rams from your flocks. I did not bring you animals torn by wild beasts; I bore the loss myself. And you demanded payment from me for whatever was stolen by day or night. This was my situation: The heat consumed me in the daytime and the cold at night, and sleep fled from my eyes. It was like this for the twenty years I was in your household. I worked for you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your flocks, and you changed my wages ten times. If the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had not been with me, you would surely have sent me away empty-handed. But God has seen my hardship and the toil of my hands, and last night he rebuked you.'”

• When we've been hurt deeply over time, the first step is to confront the one who offended us. Tell the person WHY we're angry, HOW their actions hurt you, WHEN it happened. Being specific about the pain forces us to examine our hearts and gives the offender concrete examples of their fault.

Gen. 31:43-45 – “Laban answered Jacob, 'The women are my daughters, the children are my children, and the flocks are my flocks. All you see is mine. Yet what can I do today about these daughters of mine, or about the children they have borne? Come now, let's make a covenant, you and I, and let it serve as a witness between us.' So Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar.”

• Did Jacob agree that the women, children and flocks belonged to Laban? Absolutely not. However, Jacob had argued and bargained with his father-in-law enough to know that he wasn't going to change his mind with more words. At some point we must agree to disagree.

Gen. 31:46-47 – “[Jacob] said to his relatives, 'Gather some stones.' So they took stones and piled them in a heap, and they ate there by the heap. Laban called it Jegar Sahadutha, and Jacob called it Galeed.”

• These men couldn't even agree on which language to use in naming the altar! Laban used Aramaic and Jacob used Hebrew to name it, “witness heap.” However, Jacob called on his relatives as witnesses (no doubt his wives – Laban‟s daughters) to both support and hold accountable.

Gen. 31:48-50 – “Laban said, 'This heap is a witness between you and me today.' That is why it was called Galeed. It was also called Mizpah, because he said, 'May the LORD keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other. If you mistreat my daughters or if you take any wives besides my daughters, even though no one is with us, remember that God is a witness between you and me.'”

• The men recognized that God was watching and aware of the end of this long struggle between them. I believe it must have given them power, confidence and freedom to move forward, knowing the God of Creation witnessed the severing of the relationship.

Gen. 31:51-55 – “Laban also said to Jacob, 'Here is this heap, and here is this pillar I have set up between you and me. This heap is a witness, and this pillar is a witness, that I will not go past this heap to your side to harm you and that you will not go past this heap and pillar to my side to harm me. May the God of Abraham and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge between us.' So Jacob took an oath in the name of the Fear of his father Isaac. He offered a sacrifice there in the hill country and invited his relatives to a meal. After they had eaten, they spent the night there. Early the next morning Laban kissed his grandchildren and his daughters and blessed them. Then he left and returned home.”

• Before the final good-bye, its helpful to agree on the terms of future relationship – when possible. Agree to boundaries, and agree to cause no more intentional pain. We often believe the lie that success in relationship is defined only by reconciliation. Not so. Sometimes God's greatest work happens in the heart of one who can walk away in peace – and let go.

Lord, redefine my image of success in relationship. I'm so bent on being a peacemaker that I often sacrifice honesty and bury my pain. Teach me the art of ending a relationship well – to say what should be said and create boundaries that promote lasting peace – within and without.

IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT

Have you ever wondered how you would respond in an emergency? Maybe you've already been tested in some way, put through the ringer when pressures were high. I often think of stories like Anne Frank and Corrie ten Boom, kept hidden from Nazis by those who were willing – and able – to calmly lie when tensions soared. But my greatest fear is this. Can I tell the truth when tensions are high? So far, I've noticed my first instinct is to lie. Ugh. A telemarketer calls, and asks if I have a moment to talk. I say, “No, I'm getting ready to walk out the door.” Does it matter that my appointment isn't for 2 hours? Okay, that's not an emergency, but my first inclination is still to lie. How about this…my husband was checking the water valve connection behind the refrigerator. He asked me to help him slide the frig. back into place, but first, he needed to check that the water hose wasn't kinked. He bent down, and I pushed ever-so-slightly against the frig. to see how heavy it was. The stupid thing moved, and Roy jerked his hand away from the wheels.

“Are you moving the refrigerator?” he yelled. “My hand was back there!”

My immediate answer? “No! Of course, not!”

Okay, think about it. How else did the frig. move? We're the only two people in the stinkin' house! Duh. But I barely touched it, and I didn't know it was on wheels, and it moved less than ¼ inch…but still…I moved it. Ugh. So I had to back-pedal. “Well, yes, actually, I, um, well…” So how do you respond in the heat of the moment?

Gen. 31:22-24 – “On the third day Laban was told that Jacob had fled. Taking his relatives with him, he pursued Jacob for seven days and caught up with him in the hill country of Gilead. Then God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream at night and said to him, 'Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.'”

• Jacob with 4 wives and 11 of his own children (not counting servants and their children) covered 300 miles in 10 days. No McDonalds. No Holiday Inns. Tents, campfires, camels, herds and flocks. And it took Laban 7 days to catch them – 7 days of rage building. In the heat of the moment, God stepped in before Laban could harm His chosen Covenant-bearer. Many commentators believe God's direction to “not say anything to Jacob, good or bad” meant that Laban shouldn't try to persuade Jacob to return to Haran using bribery or threats. The important thing is – God isn't limited to speak only to those who serve Him. He can protect His children even from those who don't recognize God as the True God.

Gen. 31:25-30 – “Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country of Gilead when Laban overtook him, and Laban and his relatives camped there too. Then Laban said to Jacob, 'What have you done? You've deceived me, and you've carried off my daughters like captives in war. Why did you run off secretly and deceive me? Why didn't you tell me, so I could send you away with joy and singing to the music of tambourines and harps? You didn't even let me kiss my grandchildren and my daughters good-by. You have done a foolish thing. I have the power to harm you; but last night the God of your father said to me, “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.” Now you have gone off because you longed to return to your father's house. But why did you steal my gods?'” (emphasis added)

• Even in the heat of the moment, Laban mixes truth with lies – because deception is mired so deeply into his character. Imagine the highly charged emotions of this scene. Imagine the fear in Jacob and his wives/children. Imagine the anger/frustration in Laban at being duped and then kept from vengeance by a God not even his own. And finally, imagine that the only gods you think you can rely on have just been stolen by the one person who has taken everything else you value.

Gen. 31:31-32 – “Jacob answered Laban, 'I was afraid, because I thought you would take your daughters away from me by force. But if you find anyone who has your gods, he shall not live. In the presence of our relatives, see for yourself whether there is anything of yours here with me; and if so, take it.' Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen the gods.”

• Jacob was painfully honest in the heat of this moment. Fear was his motivation for their stealth departure. And in his moment of righteousness, he makes a rash promise based in pride…and it could have gotten his most beloved wife killed.

Gen. 31:33-35 – “So Laban went into Jacob's tent and into Leah's tent and into the tent of the two maidservants, but he found nothing. After he came out of Leah's tent, he entered Rachel's tent. Now Rachel had taken the household gods and put them inside her camel's saddle and was sitting on them. Laban searched through everything in the tent but found nothing. Rachel said to her father, 'Don't be angry, my lord, that I cannot stand up in your presence; I'm having my period.' So he searched but could not find the household gods.”

• In the heat of the moment, Rachel panicked and lied. Her life depended on it, and she'd seen the deceptive game her father and husband had played for twenty years. Why wouldn't she lie? But does the prevalence of deceit make deceit acceptable?

Gen. 31:36-37 – “Jacob was angry and took Laban to task. 'What is my crime?' he asked Laban. 'What sin have I committed that you hunt me down? Now that you have searched through all my goods, what have you found that belongs to your household? Put it here in front of your relatives and mine, and let them judge between the two of us.'”

• Okay, Jake. A little over-the-top on the self-righteousness? Aren't you the one that swindled your hungry brother out of his birthright? Aren't you the one that deceived your blind, old dad? And BTW, if Rachel hadn't lied, you'd be digging her grave about now. No matter how righteous we seem to ourselves or others, we are never pure enough to tout our own holiness – not when we serve the Servant Savior, the Almighty God of grace.

Lord, my heart, my head and my tongue can run away with me in the heat of the moment. I can say, think, feel and do all sorts of things I'll later regret. Please, Prince of Peace, give me the trueness of spirit to act and react with a steadfastness born of a life lived in Your presence.

SEEKING CONFIRMATION

What steps do you take before making a big decision? Do you pray or read your Bible, hoping for a personal revelation? Do you ask for opinions from friends and family members? Or do you stand around wondering until the opportunity passes you by? Ugh. I've done that a time or two. When my husband and I have been in those “seeking” stages of life, we've noticed a pattern. God begins to make us a little uncomfortable, sort of like a mama eagle removing the soft downy feathers from the nest of twigs. She takes out more and more of the soft stuff, leaving only the sticks poking the young eaglets by the time they're ready to fly. Well, our nest generally gets pretty sticky before we are willing to fly. I don't know eagle-speak, but I wonder if mama eagle asks daddy eagle these questions before she gives the eaglets the boot. “So will our next nest be bigger or smaller? Will the schools be adequate? How about the neighborhood – is it safe for the kids? Can we afford to move? The resale value on this nest will never give us enough for a down-payment on the next.” Oh, those eagles. Always thinking ahead. But sometimes eagles just have to look at the few facts they have and let it fly! They've outgrown their current nest. There's simply not enough food for them all where they are now. And the Wind is calling them to go NOW…

Gen. 31:1-3 – “Jacob heard that Laban's sons were saying, 'Jacob has taken everything our father owned and has gained all this wealth from what belonged to our father.' And Jacob noticed that Laban's attitude toward him was not what it had been. Then the LORD said to Jacob, 'Go back to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you.'”

• Jacob felt no puffy, soft feather from any of Laban's sons and Laban himself got in a poke or two from the nest. Even God gave Jacob a gentle nudge. Wouldn't you think that would be enough? Well, jealous brothers-in-law, a grouchy father-in-law and a direct word from God wasn't enough to convince Jacob.

Gen. 31:4-9 – “So Jacob sent word to Rachel and Leah to come out to the fields where his flocks were. He said to them, 'I see that your father's attitude toward me is not what it was before, but the God of my father has been with me. You know that I've worked for your father with all my strength, yet your father has cheated me by changing my wages ten times. However, God has not allowed him to harm me. If he said, “The speckled ones will be your wages,” then all the flocks gave birth to speckled young; and if he said, “The streaked ones will be your wages,” then all the flocks bore streaked young. So God has taken away your father's livestock and has given them to me.'”

• We learn more of Laban's deceit as Jacob convinces his wives of what God has said he must do. Ooops, back up the train! If Jacob is trying to convince his wives to leave, that means he already KNOWS the direction he is to go and wants their approval. Asking for confirmation is different than asking for approval. Seeking confirmation means you're seeking godly input to know and do God's will. Seeking approval means you're seeking to escape the responsibility of a hard choice.

Gen. 31:10-13 – [Jacob continued,] “In breeding season I once had a dream in which I looked up and saw that the male goats mating with the flock were streaked, speckled or spotted. The angel of God said to me in the dream, 'Jacob.' I answered, 'Here I am.' And he said, 'Look up and see that all the male goats mating with the flock are streaked, speckled or spotted, for I have seen all that Laban has been doing to you. I am the God of Bethel, where you anointed a pillar and where you made a vow to me. Now leave this land at once and go back to your native land.'” (emphasis added)

• God had told Jacob some time ago, in a past breeding season (June-September), that he was supposed to leave Laban's household “at once.” But Jacob didn't leave – for months and possibly for years. We know from Gen. 31:19 that Jacob flees Laban's household during shearing season – spring – but since Jacob says “In breeding season I ONCE had a dream,” I get the impression it happened before last season. When God says “at once,” how long does it take you to respond?

Gen. 31:14-16 – “Then Rachel and Leah replied, 'Do we still have any share in the inheritance of our father's estate? Does he not regard us as foreigners? Not only has he sold us, but he has used up what was paid for us. Surely all the wealth that God took away from our father belongs to us and our children. So do whatever God has told you.'” (emphasis added)

• Jacob's wives finally agree on one thing. They've been treated badly by their father – and that's their singular motivation for agreeing to Jacob's plan. When we seek counsel to help us make a godly decision, make sure it's godly counsel without selfish motivation.

Gen. 31:17-21 – “Then Jacob put his children and his wives on camels, and he drove all his livestock ahead of him, along with all the goods he had accumulated in Paddan Aram, to go to his father Isaac in the land of Canaan. When Laban had gone to shear his sheep, Rachel stole her father's household gods. Moreover, Jacob deceived Laban the Aramean by not telling him he was running away. So he fled with all he had, and crossing the River, he headed for the hill country of Gilead.” (emphasis added)

• When Jacob received all the confirmation necessary to finally act on God's direction, He messed up his obedience with petty sin. The thread of deception was still woven deeply into Jacob's character.

Lord, I don't want to get it right just to get it wrong. It's so easy to let my guard down at the last moment and lose the high ground we've worked together to achieve. Help me to finish well, Father. To make the hard decisions, endure difficult conversations, choose the right thing – and be totally obedient and pleasing in not only my actions, but also my methods.

GOOD BOSS, BAD BOSS

I've lost count of the number of bosses I've worked for over the years. I was only sixteen when I got my first REAL job, and my twenty-something boss spent the first two weeks flirting with me mercilessly. I've worked for good bosses and bad bosses – the definition of which I assign mostly by the condition of the work environment. A good boss encourages camaraderie between employees, so that a sense of justice and security can emerge in the workplace. A bad boss keeps his/her workers continually on edge, watching like a hawk for the next mistake or opportunity for blame. While working for a good boss, I've been encouraged, complimented, challenged to learn new things. My “bad boss” experiences have left me feeling defeated, worthless and questioning my abilities. So why all the talk about little greasy-haired dweebs in polyester suits? (Sorry, couldn't resist the stereotyping) Well, because Laban was sort of Jacob's boss, and he was a lousy master. But it occurred to me that the way Jacob reacted to his bad-boss, Laban, is similar to the way I react to God sometimes. So I had to ask myself, do I envision God as a good Boss or a bad Boss? Hmmmm…

Gen. 30:25-26 – “After Rachel gave birth to Joseph, Jacob said to Laban, 'Send me on my way so I can go back to my own homeland. Give me my wives and children, for whom I have served you, and I will be on my way. You know how much work I've done for you.'”

• SERVANT RATHER THAN SON – Jacob requested his freedom as if he were an indentured servant – not a son. He'd evidently never felt a part of Laban's family even after marrying both Laban's daughters over fourteen years prior. When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we become children of God – but do we truly feel/act like children, or do we still feel/act like servants? A servant MUST work and hopes to be released from duty after a time. A family member never “retires” from the family.

Gen. 30:27-33 – “But Laban said to him, 'If I have found favor in your eyes, please stay. I have learned by divination that the LORD has blessed me because of you.' He added, 'Name your wages, and I will pay them.' Jacob said to him, 'You know how I have worked for you and how your livestock has fared under my care. The little you had before I came has increased greatly, and the LORD has blessed you wherever I have been. But now, when may I do something for my own household?' 'What shall I give you?' he asked. 'Don't give me anything,' Jacob replied. 'But if you will do this one thing for me, I will go on tending your flocks and watching over them: Let me go through all your flocks today and remove from them every speckled or spotted sheep, every dark-colored lamb and every spotted or speckled goat. They will be my wages. And my honesty will testify for me in the future, whenever you check on the wages you have paid me. Any goat in my possession that is not speckled or spotted, or any lamb that is not dark-colored, will be considered stolen.'” (emphasis added)

• WORK RATHER THAN GIFTS – Jacob refuses to allow Laban to GIVE him anything. He shuns Laban's gift because of past baggage, and instead, Jacob bargains for more work, thinking he has a fool-proof way to earn his freedom. To shun a deceiver's gift is wise; however, sometimes we shun God's gracious gifts in order to feel as though we've earned His pleasure or approval. Working FOR God is not only unnecessary, it's counter-productive to our faith in a gracious God.

Gen. 30:34-43 – “'Agreed,' said Laban. 'Let it be as you have said.' That same day he removed all the male goats that were streaked or spotted, and all the speckled or spotted female goats (all that had white on them) and all the dark-colored lambs, and he placed them in the care of his sons. Then he put a three-day journey between himself and Jacob, while Jacob continued to tend the rest of Laban's flocks. Jacob, however, took fresh-cut branches from poplar, almond and plane trees and made white stripes on them by peeling the bark and exposing the white inner wood of the branches. Then he placed the peeled branches in all the watering troughs, so that they would be directly in front of the flocks when they came to drink. When the flocks were in heat and came to drink, they mated in front of the branches. And they bore young that were streaked or speckled or spotted. Jacob set apart the young of the flock by themselves, but made the rest face the streaked and dark-colored animals that belonged to Laban. Thus he made separate flocks for himself and did not put them with Laban's animals. Whenever the stronger females were in heat, Jacob would place the branches in the troughs in front of the animals so they would mate near the branches, but if the animals were weak, he would not place them there. So the weak animals went to Laban and the strong ones to Jacob. In this way the man grew exceedingly prosperous and came to own large flocks, and maidservants and menservants, and camels and donkeys.”

• SILENCE RATHER THAN CONFRONTATION – Rather than confronting Laban when he was cheated again, Jacob followed old wives' tales and tried to solve the problem using his own methods. When we have been repeatedly disappointed, we sometimes become angry or disillusioned and even blame God. Though the LORD never cheats us or deals with us dishonestly, when we seek our own solutions and refuse to ask for God's help, it's similar to Jacob's silent treatment.

Lord, teach me to voice my disappointments and confusion to You, no matter how upset or confused I might be – with You or others. Remind me that in EVERY WAY, You are more than a good Boss – You are a loving Father, who wants the very best for me. Every circumstance you allow into my life is fashioned to strengthen, teach and shape me into the image of Jesus Christ.

EYE ON THE PRIZE

What is the purpose of a wedding? No – seriously. I'm actually contemplating the underlying motivation of days, weeks, even months of labor, sweat and stress to stand before a room (or in our daughter's case – a lawn) full of people and declare your vows of love and faithfulness. Why do we do that? As mother-of-the-bride, I was off-the-hook when it came to planning the wedding because we live 2,200 miles away. Our daughter and her fiancé planned everything beautifully; however, more than once in the final week leading up to that big day they threatened to elope! Emily's grandparent's (the parents of our hearts) hosted the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, the ceremony and reception at their beautiful lakefront home. This meant months of preparation for them, and the days leading up to the BIG DAY were full of little chores to make the place shine like a new penny. Now, including our daughter's dog, there were three precious canines on the property during wedding preparations. Grandpa was the official pooper scooper – not glamorous, but essential. Grandma pruned the flower beds after the wind storms and kept the indoor clutter of 11 guests to a minimum. Moms, dads, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles and friends pitched in on the day of the wedding to help set up and dry off chairs when the heavens dumped buckets of rain just hours before the ceremony began. And when the cake lady arrived an hour late with the center tier of cake crumbled into bite-sized pieces, we were all thinking eloping might have been a better choice. So, again I ask. What is the purpose of a wedding? I believe the same answer applies to all of life's questions. It's about God. What is HE doing in the midst of it? Leah seemed to understand that principle at first, but then…

Gen. 29:31-35 – “When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, 'It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.' She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, 'Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.' So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, 'Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.' So he was named Levi. She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, 'This time I will praise the LORD .' So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children” (emphasis added).

• When the Lord saw that Leah was barren, He was quick to intervene on her behalf and comfort her with children – showing His love and favor in that tangible way. However, Leah was so focused on gaining her husband's love that she found it difficult to be thankful for God's love. Finally, after the birth of her fourth son, Leah's eyes shifted to the eternal Prize, and she awarded Judah the name that reflects a level of contentment in her relationship with GOD.

Gen. 30:1-8 – “When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, 'Give me children, or I'll die!' Jacob became angry with her and said, 'Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?' Then she said, 'Here is Bilhah, my maidservant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and that through her I too can build a family.' So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife. Jacob slept with her, and she became pregnant and bore him a son. Then Rachel said, 'God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son.' Because of this she named him Dan. Rachel's servant Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. Then Rachel said, 'I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won.' So she named him Naphtali.” (emphasis added)

• Jealousy is a sure sign that our eyes have wandered to someone else's prize. And if you'll notice, our eyes work in tandem – where one eye goes, both go. So, if we're gazing longingly at someone else's prize, we can't possibly be gazing longingly at Jesus. Notice that Rachel at least made some mention of God when naming her first son through Bilhah, but by the second son, all pretense of holiness was gone. By then, she acknowledged it as a competition, and her eyes were firmly fixed on the wrong finish line.

Gen. 30:9-13 – “When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her maidservant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, 'What good fortune!' So she named him Gad. Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. Then Leah said, 'How happy I am! The women will call me happy.' So she named him Asher.” (emphasis added)

• What happened to Leah's contentment in the One, True God? And how can she accredit her maidservant's children to mere FORTUNE? And the second son simply makes her “happy” but doesn't cause her to PRAISE the Giver of Life. My guess is that Leah has become angry with God for allowing her sister Rachel to have children. It was the only advantage she'd had over her, and now she was unloved and unable to bear children of her own. Self-pity has become her focus. Happiness her goal. The first is destructive. The second fickle.

Gen. 30:14-16 – “During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, 'Please give me some of your son's mandrakes.' But she said to her, 'Wasn't it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son's mandrakes too?' 'Very well,' Rachel said, 'he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son's mandrakes.' So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. 'You must sleep with me,' she said. 'I have hired you with my son's mandrakes.' So he slept with her that night.”

• If Leah's son, Reuben, knew his mother would appreciate the fabled aphrodisiac flowers, the rivalry between Jacob's wives had evidently permeated the whole household. As parents (adults), we train our children's eyes on the prizes we value most – intentionally or unintentionally. Kids watch and learn.

Gen. 30:17-24 – “God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. Then Leah said, 'God has rewarded me for giving my maidservant to my husband.' So she named him Issachar. Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. Then Leah said, 'God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.' So she named him Zebulun. Some time later she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah. Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, 'God has taken away my disgrace.' She named him Joseph, and said, 'May the LORD add to me another son.'” (emphasis added)

• Is there any better example of God's amazing grace in the Old Testament? Here are two women acting like spoiled children, and yet God listens to their prayers and answers according to their deepest desires. While these two women were at each other's throats and demonstrating destruction to their children, God intervened. He loved. He blessed…in spite of them. And in the end, they praised Him for it.

Lord, I can look at these two women and say, “Why won't You answer MY prayers if you answered THEIRS?” But the greater question is – Why do You answer the prayers of any of Your silly, sinful children? If You waited until I was perfect before blessing me, I would be the lowliest of human beings! Thank You for Your infinite wisdom and grace that answers when I least deserve it. Teach me to focus more on my eternal Prize and less on earthly distractions. I want to look beyond the proverbial wedding to the Beloved that binds the hearts.

REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS

“Reasonable expectations.” It's a tricky phrase, isn't it? I'm sure there are legal cases piled up in courtrooms across the country, debating what a jury deems “reasonable expectations” for contracted services, purchases and even relationships. Our family's reasonable expectation involved a baker, a cake, a wedding and 125 guests. Almost nine months ago, our daughter, Emily, and her fiancé met with the owner of a local bakery to discuss wedding cake options. They were impressed with the man's portfolio and tasted three flavors of cake and several delightful icings. They eagerly signed a contract, leaving the suggested cash deposit. Three months in advance of the wedding, the kids began confirming with the various vendors as was suggested by all the wedding magazines. When they called the bakery, a female voice answered and explained that she had purchased the original baker's business but would honor their deposit and try to do the cake as ordered. Try? Our daughter and her fiancé made a quick trip (4 hours) to the bakery to meet with the new owner and sample her wares. The flavor was adequate, but they were uneasy from the beginning with this new relationship. Fast-forward…to the wedding day. Excitement is mounting. Outdoor wedding. Rain – down-pour – two hours before the ceremony. Cake lady is MIA, AWOL – OMG! An hour late, she shows up. Crying. The middle tier of the 3-tiered cake is completely destroyed. Bumpy Indiana roads in her Jeep Cherokee, she says. Ugh. But here's the key. Two days before, my daughter and I had a “mommy/daughter” breakfast date, and Emily asked me this question: “Mom, are you ready for some BIG emergency on my wedding day?” When I gave her my puzzled stare, she continued. “'Cause you know something will go wrong, and we'll just have to roll with it.” After seeing the cake, I trudged back upstairs, to tell our baby girl that her dream cake was a nightmare. Would she remember her REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS of at least one disaster on this day? She did, and her groom handled it beautifully, too. The skies cleared – no more rain. No more disasters. What are your reasonable expectations?

Gen. 29:14b-20 – “Laban said to [Jacob], 'Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.' Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, 'I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.' Laban said, 'It's better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.' So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. (emphasis added)

• From the sound of Laban's lack-luster response, I'm thinking he wasn't thrilled when Jacob proposed Rachel as wages. Wasn't it more reasonable to pay wages in silver or gold, flocks or herds – even servants? But daughters? Laban may have asked for Jacob's input, but it seems he had a pre-determined idea of what was reasonable and he found it difficult to adjust to someone else's plan. Sound familiar?

Gen. 29:21 – “Then Jacob said to Laban, 'Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her.'”

• What might have happened during Jacob's seven years of service to Laban that changed Jacob's tone so completely? The demanding words and voice lead us to believe Jacob might have expected Laban to double-cross him...and he was right. But is a tantrum justified when others threaten our expectations?

Gen. 29:22-30 – “So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant. When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, 'What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why have you deceived me?' Laban replied, 'It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.' And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.”

• Even though Jacob expected it, Laban found a way to double-cross him. Sometimes people live up to our low expectations, and the pain crashes into our lives and others' – creating dominoes of expectations for generations. How did Leah feel when her new husband railed at being “stuck” with her? How did Rachel feel at being passed over because she was the younger sister? When reasonable expectations are dashed, it's seldom only one person who is hurt.

Lord, when I'm disappointed, teach me to turn to You for comfort first – before I rant and rail. Give me perspective. Show me Your heavenly view of REASONABLE before I allow my self-justification to bully those who might be harmed in the stampede. Help me to mourn my lost expectations, allowing You to comfort me in the true and real grief I feel. Finally, as I regain my sense of Your presence, help me to minister to others – now more effective because I've felt the sting of dashed expectations and the touch of Your comfort.

NEGATIVITY FAST

My husband and I attended church with my mom last Sunday, and the King's Way congregation has started a fabulous campaign! It's called a 40-day Negativity Fast! For 40 days they're seeking to cut out ALL negativity from their thoughts, words and attitudes. We observed that families are seemingly the most successful at this project - since the children are most ready to tattle on parents who snack on negative attitudes and words. However, everyone in attendance reported the single most positive effect of this fast was the AWARENESS that had been awakened in their everyday lives to the negativity that consumes their thought-diet.

I had to think back on Roy's and my journey from Vancouver, WA to our childhood home in Indiana. We traveled somewhere around 2,500 miles in about 4 days and were exposed to many different terrains and weather phenomenons. We drove through mountains, hills and plains. Saw waterfalls, rivers, streams and deserts. We experienced rain, hail, blistering heat and humidity and even drove through a blizzard in Utah. I must admit - we were not fasting from negativity on our journey eastward. But still our God was faithful, and He brought us safely to our destinations - all of them. We've already visited with some friends and family, but mostly we've spent some very important days with our daughters - one of whom will be married in 3 days.

In these few days, minutes, hours leading up to one of the most important days of our daughter's life, I'm reminded again of the negativity fast. So much tension could derail this special day. So many details could rob us of the joy of this occasion. We are praying, trusting, seeking the high road - one traveled through all kinds of weather and terrain, but one free of negativity. And it will be by God's hand alone that we will arrive at our destination - not minus a daughter, but adding a son-in-love. We covet your prayers as the day approaches, and we'll be posting a picture or two to share our joy.

I'M BUSY - GOT IT?

"It is easier to serve God without a vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over with Christian sentiment. You will be more prosperous and successful, more leisure-hearted, if you never realize the call of God. But if once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God wants will always come like a goad; you will no longer be able to work for Him on the common-sense basis." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

"Calling." It's hard to define. What does it mean to be CALLED by God to a certain task or ministry? Most of us live our lives serving, working, toiling from committee to ministry to short-term mission trip without a clear sense of the path on which our Shepherd is leading.

So how do we stop shuffling papers, organizing dinners and creating more programs?

Psalm 46:10 - "Be still and know that I am God..."

It's only in the stillness that we learn who God is - and only after we learn more of who our God is can we learn who He has created us to be. Only then can we know His calling on our lives.

I'm of the opinion that we cannot truly know our calling until we are well into our adult years. The teens and twenties are intended for our Supervised introspection. As God opens the doors for victories and failures, we learn much about who we are and even more about who He is to us. Is He God all the time or only in crisis? Is He the harsh Judge or our merciful Father?

As I prepare for my forty-seventh year, I believe I know my calling - and yet I continually struggle to maintain focus on that call. So many distractions eagerly nip at my heels to steal away my attention, my energy, my passion. But my Heavenly Bridegroom awaits, beckoning me with His Call...

COINCIDENCE OR GOD‟S GUIDING HAND

Coincidence. Fate. Destiny. Do we live in a random bubble of events that sometimes intersect, or are our paths already mapped out by a Creator's sovereign design? In the famous words of sage philosopher, Forrest Gump, “I think it's both.” Do humans have free will to choose or does God employ His sovereign will? I say with gusto, “YES!” and then tilt my head with a thoroughly puzzled stare. “How?” Hmmmmm, I don't know. Let me illustrate my absolutely confident uncertainty. I recently spent a weekend at a beach house with my two writing buddies. Each of them experiences God in a special way through nature from time to time through a particular symbol. One gal often sees a deer in her yard or a nearby field. For the other, a rainbow often appears where nothing but clouds should be - as in the picture above. Why a rainbow on a completely sunny day - in the shape of a cross, no less?

My friends aren't superstitious or hyper-spiritual about these “signs.” They simply have noticed God's special “kiss” through the years in these tender revelations. We three had come together for the weekend to work on writing projects; however, all our hearts were heavily burdened with life. When we went to a restaurant for dinner, we noticed two deer running down the sidewalk! Please understand, this is in the middle of a busy beach town – on Main Street! Coincidence? Or was my friend's Heavenly Father comforting her with His presence? The next day we went for a long walk on the beach, taking lots of pictures on a sunny afternoon. I took a picture of my second friend with the sun glaring above, and when we replayed the digital image – a rainbow ringed the sun behind her. Coincidence? Or was her Heavenly Father comforting her with His presence? I don't have a particular “sign” that assures me of God's presence or work in my life, but I thoroughly enjoyed watching my friends bask in His impromptu kisses. As we walked back to the beach house, I noticed a veritable garden of rocks – smooth stones planted on the beach, worn by the tide's sand and water. I immediately thought of my mom. She loves rocks and collects a rock from everywhere she travels. I began praying for her and thought of her often throughout the rest of the weekend. Coincidence? Or was my Heavenly Father prompting me to pray for my mom, who was struggling with her own battles at the time? Well, my answer is: God guides the deer, the rainbow and the tide; but I choose to recognize His hand on my life…

Gen. 29:1-4 – “Then Jacob continued on his journey and came to the land of the eastern peoples. There he saw a well in the field, with three flocks of sheep lying near it because the flocks were watered from that well. The stone over the mouth of the well was large. When all the flocks were gathered there, the shepherds would roll the stone away from the well's mouth and water the sheep. Then they would return the stone to its place over the mouth of the well. Jacob asked the shepherds, 'My brothers, where are you from?' 'We're from Haran,' they replied.” (emphasis added)

• Please remember – no camel, no GPS, map or compass, and no convenience stores along the way. Jacob lived most of his life “among the tents” (Gen. 25:27), so I'm guessing he was no Daniel Boone either. The journey from Isaac's camp in Beersheba to Haran was approximately 600 miles (as the crow flies), and the average speed of travel on foot is twenty miles a day. You do the math. All Jacob saw at this point was a well and three flocks of sheep with their shepherds – in the middle of a field – somewhere in the east. How many left turns and right forks in the road did Jacob make before arriving in Haran? Did he pray about each one or make the decisions on his own? Out of the thousands of choices we make each day, which ones are covered in prayer?

Gen. 29:5-8 – “He said to them, 'Do you know Laban, Nahor's grandson?'
'Yes, we know him,' they answered.
Then Jacob asked them, 'Is he well?'
'Yes, he is,' they said, 'and here comes his daughter Rachel with the sheep.'
'Look,' he said, 'the sun is still high; it is not time for the flocks to be gathered. Water the sheep and take them back to pasture.'
'We can't,' they replied, 'until all the flocks are gathered and the stone has been rolled away from the mouth of the well. Then we will water the sheep.'” (emphasis added)

• Jacob seems a little bossy for a newcomer, eh? He shows up, asks a few questions and immediately orders the other three shepherds to take their sheep and get lost when he sees lovely Rachel approaching. Why? Did he have an animal husbandry degree, perhaps an expert in the care of livestock? Or did he simply seek privacy with Rachel? No matter. His not-so-subtle attempt at privacy failed, and Jacob would have an audience for his testimony, witnesses to the story of his past. Considering Jacob's deceitful history, was it coincidence that he was pushed into the humbling accountability corner?

Gen. 29:9-12 – “While he was still talking with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a shepherdess. When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of Laban, his mother's brother, and Laban's sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle's sheep. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. He had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah. So she ran and told her father.”

• Was it a coincidence that Rachel came to the well at the precise moment that he arrived? Think of the echoes of this one kiss, each decision in Jacob's and Rachel's lives leading up to it and each moment after. Rachel thought she was just going to the well to water the flock – AGAIN – but this mundane, daily activity changed her life forever.

Gen. 29:13-14 – “As soon as Laban heard the news about Jacob, his sister's son, he hurried to meet him. He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there Jacob told him all these things. Then Laban said to him, 'You are my own flesh and blood.'”

• I'm guessing Laban remembered a similar scenario when his sister Rebekah had gone for water and returned with Abraham's servant, who had come to secure a bride for Abraham's son, Isaac (Gen. 24:29-30). Now, decades later (some think Jacob was 75-80 years-old when he fled to Haran), Laban welcomes Jacob – the fruit of Isaac and Rebekah's union – who also met God‟s choice by Haran's well.

Lord, how many times in my day do You work…and I miss it? How many amazing displays of Your power and presence do I let slip by unnoticed because I'm too busy, too skeptical or too downtrodden to believe You would reveal Yourself in such a bold way to ME? Teach me to look for You in the ordinariness of my day. Open my eyes to the God-happenings around me.

MAKING THE CUT, MISSING THE POINT

Roy's first year in seminary was quite possibly the most miserable year of my life. Wouldn't you think that when a husband decides to devote his life to full-time ministry, the wife should be elated, proud, supportive? Well, I tried. I really tried. But before seminary I had been a stay-at-home mom, who spent much of her day soaking in God's Word and enjoying stimulating spiritual discussions with her church family. During that first year of seminary, I worked too much, saw my kids too little and had no church family. With a sour attitude and thoughtless comments, I managed to alienate the seminary president, the dean and the woman in charge of student life. Desperate for community, I resorted to Busy Bee Mesu's common pattern. I created my own community. I started a seminary wives' weekly Bible study. I worked with admissions, organizing hee-man student movers to welcome newcomers to seminary housing. And I decided it was time that my Hindu boss began learning a little about Christianity – so I started a Bible study with him, too. By the end of our second year, I was a little less miserable because I was a whole lot more engaged.

At my husband's senior awards banquet, the seminary president announced a new award. He held up a gold-plated mahogany plaque and said, “I'd like to award our first-ever Helping Hands award to Mesu Andrews.” I nearly choked on my salad. Me? I walked up to the podium, shook his hand and reached for the glimmering mahogany. “And we'd also like to give you another little token of our appreciation,” he said, reaching behind the lectern. He pulled out a sweatshirt with our seminary's name embroidered on it.

“A SWEATSHIRT!” I nearly threw the glistening plaque on a nearby table, reaching for the folded gray fleece and clutched it to my chest. The audience laughed nervously, and I realized how silly I appeared making gah-gah eyes over a sweatshirt, when the president had just honored me for a meaningful campus ministry.

He graciously chuckled and said, “Well, Mesu has always been more on the practical side.” He affirmed that I had made the cut – done well, overcome a tough situation and made a contribution to others. But I knew in my heart that I had totally missed the point. All my efforts to serve were just a frantic attempt to fill my need for community. But God in His grand plan used my little acts to fill others' needs. Sometimes my little eyes see only my immediate concerns, but God's big ideas are beyond my comprehension…

Gen. 28:10-15 – “Jacob left Beersheba and set out for Haran. When he reached a certain place, he stopped for the night because the sun had set. Taking one of the stones there, he put it under his head and lay down to sleep. He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. There above it stood the LORD , and he said: 'I am the LORD , the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.'”

• Be Jacob for a moment. You've just deceived your father and are fleeing for your life from your enraged brother (who happens to be very good at hunting prey). God speaks to you in a dream about His connection with your grandfather, Abraham, and your father, Isaac. He promises you blessing and descendants beyond number. YOU'VE MADE THE CUT! Now, what is your reaction? Can you move beyond the immediate concern and see the bigger picture, or are you stuck in the here and now?

Gen. 28:16-19 – “When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, 'Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it.' He was afraid and said, 'How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven.' Early the next morning Jacob took the stone he had placed under his head and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on top of it. He called that place Bethel, though the city used to be called Luz.” (emphasis added)

• Okay, you have a dream like that, and you get a promise from God like THAT, and your first response is, “How awesome is THIS PLACE?” You're kidding me. Jacob may have made the cut, but he missed the point. Where is the praise for God? The thanksgiving for God's promise? The awe at God's grace and forgiveness? Let's give Jacob a little grace for being dazed and afraid after such a vivid dream, but let‟s learn from his “duh” moment to keep our focus on the Giver of blessing, not the blessings alone.

Gen. 28:20-22 – “Then Jacob made a vow, saying, 'If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father's house, then the LORD will be my God and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God's house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.'”

• Okay, Jake, first of all, God already PROMISED to be with you, so why say “if God will be with me?” Secondly, why vow to give Him a tenth IF He brings Jacob back to Isaac's house? God already promised that, too! Why do we qualify our obedience on God's faithfulness when God can ONLY be faithful, and we can NEVER be perfectly obedient? Jacob – like you and me – has already made the cut, already been accepted by God. THAT'S the point – but he's missing it. Jacob still thinks they're in negotiations! God doesn't want Jacob's tenth. He wants ALL of Jacob – and all of us – because He gave us all of Himself.

Lord, I'm overwhelmed at my small-mindedness and the vastness of Your plan – that includes me. My humble offerings are sometimes given with silly or selfish motives, and yet in Your grace You receive them, changing them into something useful – sometimes even beautiful. Train my focus toward You, Lord, each and every waking moment – even in my dreams.